I’m backwards.

We complain that know one understands but we don’t talk about it. What if I posted a Facebook status that read, “I’m feeling depressed today.” People are used to seeing that from time to time. But what if I posted a Facebook status, “I’m feeling manic today.” People might get uncomfortable because they don’t usually see or hear people say that.

I always see statuses talking about stress, anxiety, insomnia, feeling depressed.

But I’ve never seen anyone post, “I can feel myself getting manic, gotta get some sleep.” Or this would be fun, “Mania time! Look out world, shit is ’bout to get weird!”

I mean, what would you say to that? Would you keep scrolling or click to read the comments?

I also wonder when people say something like, “My ADD is flaring up,” if that upsets people who have been diagnosed and actually SUFFER from it. Because it’s not a funny disease. If people knew how miserable and painful some of this shit is they would not say it as much as they do. It’s okay for us to laugh at ourselves, but not for others to mock symptoms. Like, the worst people get called bipolar. And I’m nothing like them. I see a psychiatrist but I don’t act bipolar. Because bipolar is really what we call people we don’t like.

But back to explaining how I’m backwards.

When I’m depressed (every other day of my life) those who are in my life probably know me as the easy going co-worker who always has a smile and something to say. One could easily compare my personality to that of a dogs. But when I start experiencing mania, I’d prefer to stay away from most people. While experiencing the euphoria of mania, I can still experience social anxiety, in fact it’s one of the few times I’ll get nervous in public.

Maybe here’s why: mania is sensational but is also a mental overload. So when someone approaches me, it’s like my brain has exploded into too many thoughts to be able to hold a conversation. I was gonna list them but just imagine anxious thinking amplified because all of your thoughts are going one-hundred times faster to the point where you’re just confused. It’s okay to let thoughts ping pong in your brain but people won’t appreciate that in the conversation.

My mania looks like depression to other people. And my depression doesn’t look like depression. Haha it’s backwards.

 

But then that just goes to show why we can and probably should talk about what’s going on when we feel weird. Mania isn’t really what we all think. Yes, it can lead to a psychotic episode but just because someone says they are feeling a symptom of depression doesn’t necessarily make us think jump to the conclusion that they are at risk of committing suicide.

 

note: I don’t want to delete them so I make the text real tiny on my digressions.

depression: I come up with one title and I came up with it before I started writing. mania: focus on punctuation, several titles, usually don’t write the title down until I’m halfway or completely done, even then, it’s always a working title because a good title is worth working on.
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